The year of “OF COURSE”
Dear Izzy, Max, and Kate,
We had a great Christmas. We’re fortunate to live close to family, so we make the rounds every year:
Christmas Eve lunch at Aunt Lisa’s in White Bluff
Christmas Eve dinner at Grandma and Grandfather’s in Columbia
Christmas morning at home
Christmas breakfast at Grandmas and Grandfather’s in Columbia
Christmas lunch/dinner at Nana and Papaw’s in Hendersonville
We made so many memories this year. One quiet memory sticks out in my mind though.
Saturday afternoon we sat in our living room with the lights off, only the lights from the Christmas tree casting a glow on the room. You were busy playing with early Christmas gifts, Max and Kate. So you and I sat in the living room together, Izzy. The Ironman world championships in Kona was on TV. You’ve always been captivated by it.
You asked questions along the way. Wrinkled your face. Stood up to watch with nervous energy running through your body. We were mostly silent as we watched the athletes fulfilling their dreams.
“Are you going to do that one day?,” asked Mommy from the kitchen.
You glanced at her and quickly back at the TV.
“Of course!,” you said, as if it were something that were obvious. “You know I’m like Daddy.”
It hit me that there are few “of course” moments in my life these days. I’ve been approaching things cautiously for too many years. Too much planning. Too many wait and see moments that add up to weeks, months, and years. Let’s wait for everything to be just right. The ship will come in. And then.
Then it’ll be over and I’ll be left with what if.
I don’t want life to pass me by while I wait and plan. Fear is gradually losing it’s grip on my life. Lately, I’ve been asking myself and Mommy “what’s the worst that could happen?” with regard to our life (short of losing loved ones).
I want more “OF COURSE!” in my life.
I want “of course” to match up with “like Daddy” again.
The new me will be more like the old me. And this inbetween me, the me that’s waiting and treading lightly, will be no more. It’s been a long journey to get to here. But your words in our dark living room, Izzy, gave me the confidence I needed.
This is the year of OF COURSE in my life. I’m working on my goals for 2013 and as I come across things I’ve always considered I’m meeting them as you would, Izzy.
With “Of course!”
I love you,
ps. you also said “how long are you going to do triathlon, Daddy? Because a lot of old people do them.” That’s not as motivational.
QUESTION: What are you going to say Of Course to this year?
Saturday: 35 minute trail run
Sunday: 24 mile bike ride in a cold rain
Monday: 16 mile bike ride
Wednesday: 1 hour trail run in sleet and rain
Thursday: 1000 swim / 5 mile run planned