Sunshine on a cloudy day
Dear Izzy, Max, and Kate,
The breezes helped me relax as I lay motionless, eyes closed, drifting back in time: a beach in Hawaii, a beach in South Carolina, Mexico, Duval Street, Bourbon Street, our favorite spot in SeaGrove Beach, FL. I thought about Austin Texas too. And Boulder Colorado. Even New Orleans. Holding onto my happy places and sunshine. Places I know I’ll have to visit again when I do the Full Rev at Cedar Point.
Plugs in my ears. Silence and then a whirring sound all around me.
An IV attached at the bend in my arm. The top of the machine inches from my face.
“Deep breathe and hold it,” said the woman’s voice. “And breathe.” We repeated the sequence many times.
I kept imagining the scene in Kill Bill when Uma Thurman is buried alive. I felt like I might panic, but then I forced myself back to Big Pine Key and a hammock swing.
I had an MRI on Friday to search for what may have caused the issues I dealt with over the last few months. A distended gall bladder, a dilated bile duct, and elevated pancreatic enzymes. Not normal stuff for a guy my age. The doctor says it’s probably nothing, but its worth investigating.
The good news is I feel 100% better. The drop in weight has allowed me to run like I haven’t in years. It’s a nice feeling being “fast” again.
Free from the pain. Free from the MRI tunnel. Free to run 10 miles on Saturday, inflicting pain on myself that weeks earlier was coming from somewhere else. I felt more free than I have in years on my bike on Sunday morning.
60 miles of sights and sounds. Cold rain ran down my face. Dripped from my bike helmet. And I smiled the entire way. You never know how lucky you are to have your health and freedom until you fear that you may lose it.
I had weeks to think about the possibilities and how each might affect you kids and your mommy.
I’m grateful. For everything I’m given. I’m so lucky to have been given health and strength to pursue the things that make me feel alive. In the rain this weekend I kept humming “I’ve got sunshine…on a cloudy day.” It should feel that way everyday. It’s a good goal anyway.
Izzy, you’re in Texas this week with your Gramma and Grandfather on Aunt Carolyn’s ranch. You’re having a blast! But I miss you like crazy. I can’t wait to see you this Friday.
I love you,
Sat: Ran 10 miles in 1:19 (felt awesome to run a decent pace again!)
Sun: Rode 60 miles just taking it all in – 16.5 mph avg.