Peaceful Easy Feeling
Dear Izzy, Max, and Kate,
Grandfather sent us this picture of you fishing beside the Pedernales River in Texas, Izzy. I stared at it for a long time.
Different emotions overcame me as I looked at my first child enjoying the freedom of open space and the beauty of the world that we’ve been given to enjoy and steward. It’s peaceful. And easy. And just looking at it gave me the same feelings.
That same day I got a text from Mommy; several of them in fact, along with a few phone calls. Her frantic messages telling me that the doctors office had called with my MRI results and I was to call them back for the results.
I went for a run. Got her messages. Then took a few minutes to shower first. I thought about what the results might be, but I couldn’t stop thinking about the picture of my baby fishing beside the river. That same peaceful, easy feeling. I knew everything would be alright.
I called the nurse back after spending a few final minutes with my thoughts.
Results were negative. Meaning “normal”. Meaning no cancer.
The gall bladder, bile ducts, and pancreas had all returned to normal as well.
It seems we’ll walk away with a mystery of how I ended up with pancreatits and related issues – and then they disappeared. Life is that way, I suppose. There’s beauty and Faith in the mystery.
I wasn’t overcome with relief. Rather, it was just a new sense of purpose. Not to be more. Not to make more money or impress more people. Not to “get ahead in life.” And not necessarily to do more with my life. Just to find peace in my life, learn how to be more content.
The proverbial: Let go and let God moment. A revelation for Good Friday.
I talked to my friend Daniel later in the day. I told him I felt like I had a new lease on life. He disagreed:
“I think it’s the same lease. But now you better understand the terms.”
I think he’s right. I get it now. Life’s short. It’s fragile and can end in an instant. And what matters is the moments. Our’s is a good life.
You can bet I’ll be wearing my cowboy hat to Austin next week, eating BBQ and Chili at the TX state championship, getting my boots dusty, and starring quietly at that same river.
So, here’s to more peaceful easy days fishing on river banks and chewing on a honeysuckle vine.
I love you so much more than I can ever express,
TRAINING: (I have a new found purpose for my preparation now. Ready to give my all at my races this year.)
Tues: Swam 1200 (lots of sprints) / 5 miles at 7:58 pace
Wed: Biked 45 minutes with 3 x 4 minutes Lactate threshold intervals
Thurs: Swam 1700 / 3.5 miles at 7:15 pace