Time to swim ashore
Dear Izzy, Max, and Kate,
As the sun set into the Gulf I sat and considered the future. How one path leads to another and what’s behind you becomes overgrown sometimes and you lose your way back. I wondered how long I’ve lingered in the empty space, unwilling to go farther down the path, but having no idea how to get home. I looked across the horizon, again awed by it’s vastness, how my eye can’t see it all at once. Darkness fell across the Gulf. I shuddered as I imagined myself swimming farther out. Farther. Until I couldn’t see the lights of the coast. Losing my way back.
I prayed each morning on the beach. Asked God for directions back.
After all, it was Him who set this all in motion a few years before. A longing to rediscover God’s will in my life.
Friday night at the beach, in the darkness – a full moon casting a spotlight across the inky waves, I asked Him for a sign. Aloud, I spoke to a God I can’t see and sometimes, it shames me to admit, I can’t even feel. I asked for a sign. Something I could see. I asked for peace. And knowing that I was doing the right thing.
I drifted to sleep that night with a weeks worth of sand in the sheets. I tossed and began to doubt myself.
Before the sun rose I walked back down to the beach while you slept.
I’ve never seen the Gulf as I saw it on Saturday morning. Perfectly still. Clear. No waves all, not even where the water meets the beach. Mommy and I sat and talked about my decision.
Ann, from the Turtle Patrol, walked up to us, just as she did on our last day last summer.
“What did you do with my waves?” she asked. “In all of the years I’ve walked this beach every day, I’ve never seen it this calm and peaceful.”
What talked for a few moments about the Gulf.
“You see something new everyday,” she said as she walked away.
I think that’s the key for me. I’m tired of feeling lost with no path home. Tired of swimming in the dark with no light to guide me back to the beach.
So God gave me my sign in a peaceful sea. Two years after He crushed me in a violent sea and told me to change. Full circle now to the calming waters. I walked out knee deep.
Yesterday was my last day at a job I’ve been in for 9 years.
The freedom I feel is guiding me back to the peace I know can exist in our life. It’s a huge risk Mommy and I agree is right for us. It took me years to listen and respond. But I am now.
However it turns out. It’s time to swim ashore.
I love you,
Sun: rode 26 miles
Mon: rode 36 miles
Tues: swam 2000 / Ran 4 miles
Wed; rode 20 miles
Thurs: swam 2000 / lifted weights / planning 6 mile run